Godzilla Resurgence / Shin Gojira (2016)

Plot summary (story synopsis): A large sea monster suddenly attacks Tokyo. The Japanese government's bureaucracy swings into action to deal with the unprecedented threat. 

***

I had high hopes for this movie. We've seen what the Americans do with Godzilla. Now let's see the Japanese, the guys who created Godzilla, do it right. Will they go all philosophical and meta? Or all cheesy fun? The answer is, neither.

Godzilla Resurgence is one helluva mess. Most of the movie is about bureaucratic wrangling inside the Japanese government. We are treated to endless meetings and dozens of government officials. Yup, it's all about the bureaucrats. Not the military, not some plucky civilian. No cute kids or dogs either. Bureaucrats. And the pacing and sensibility feels distinctly 1970s.

SPOILERS WARNING

I usually try to avoid going too much into plot details, preferring to look at movies from a higher level of abstraction. But there's nothing much to analyze here except for the plot.

Of course, there's a mad scientist subplot, but it doesn't really develop into anything much. Except origami molecular biology and a plan to coagulate Godzilla's blood with thousands of gallons of chemicals.

There's also another subplot with a half-Japanese American lady diplomat (who can barely speak English) which made no sense to me so I won't try to explain it.

It is only after about an hour that the action really starts, with the Japanese military blasting away with helicopter gunships, tanks and artillery. All to no effect, of course. I mean, a tank's armor-piercing round can penetrate over a meter of steel so of course it can't harm anything organic, right?

After the brief battle, it's back to the bureaucrats. The American military also gets into the act and bombs Godzilla using B2 stealth bombers. But surprise! Godzilla has built-in phased-array radar that can detect stealth aircraft and shoots down a B2 with its laser. Oh, and he shoots down the Prime Minister's helicopter too, killing him.

Godzilla then goes into hibernation right in the middle of Tokyo, for a couple of days. He's a sitting duck. Hit him again. But nope, everyone is so freaked out that all they can think of now is nukes.

The UN Security Council passes a resolution to nuke Godzilla with a US-led coalition of countries. But the gutsy Japanese manage to outsmart the stupid, evil Americans. They use cement pump trucks to pump the blood coagulant into Godzilla's mouth, causing him to turn into stone.

Don't judge me but my favorite Godzilla is still the Roland Emmerich version.